Ouch, that hurt!

Relationships are often baffling, some more than others. Family, friends, co-workers, usually the ones with the most meaning to us and with whom we cherish the most are the hardest. They carry the power to bring exuberant joy, deep sorrow, belly laughs, ultimate betrayal, fulness of life, perplexing confusion, deeply satisfying emotional connection and utter frustration.

When we risk loving, especially when we are committed to a relationship, one thing is guaranteed, we will get hurt and we will hurt those we love. Most of the time we don’t mean to hurt each other, not if the path of love is followed. It just happens. Different agendas, miscommunication, assumptions, unrealistic expectations and perceptions are often part of creating conflict.

So, if pain is inevitable, how do some relationships survive when so many fail? There are many factors involved. A relationship is only as strong as the people in them are willing to invest in the good of the other. When both people are strong and confident within themselves, conflict resolution is much more probable and the relationship will keep growing. A truly solid relationship thrives on resolution through open and honest communication. That type of transparency takes guts and a level of trustworthiness not easy to find. Listening, hearing and considering each other results in a win/win resolution.

When one or both people is/are stuck in a self-centered cycle, blame or avoidance is often used to deflect personal responsibility squelching intimacy. The best that happens is one side has to acquiesce creating a win/lose conclusion. Relationships die when one side typically loses and the other typically wins. The degree to which this happens, often leads to the deterioration of the relationship until very little substance is left. If we do not consider the needs of the other, how can mutual love or relationship survive?

The healthiest relationships are those where hurts are communicated so resolution can be embraced. This is where things like misunderstandings, selfishness, insecurities, agendas and misinformations are washed away with the strength of mutual vulnerability, commitment and transforming love. This process is seldom easy, just worth it.

May you embrace the way of Love, having the courage to be vulnerable enough with those you care about to pursue conflict resolution as much as it is up to you and may you find those strong enough to choose the same.

It’s still a great day!

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