Going to doctors appointments alone is nothing new for me. It is something I have always had to maneuver though on my own. Certainly wasn’t my preference, just reality.
As I was driving away from an appointment with my endocrinologist today, I began to tear up, then cry, then sob. For so many years, Richard was the first and often only one I would call after an appointment to share what ever news I received. He would celebrate the victories with me and encourage me when results were scary. Today, the profound void consumed me.
Waves of grief are truly unpredictable. Today the news from the doctor was good. I am grateful. Had it been alarmingly negative, I would have tried to reach out to someone for support. Every so often, my new normal hits me hard. I recover, make adjustments and move forward. It isn’t easy.
People call me strong. I don’t feel strong. I feel very fragile. Having learned staying stuck destroys me and doesn’t change truth, I focus on what I need to do to move through difficult situations and circumstances. Waiting on the other side are new possibilities, unknown opportunities and sacred experiences. No matter how alone I feel, I chose to remember Divine Love is with me, I am blessed beyond what I deserve in more ways than I can count and what ever I am going through, someone has it worse and I will get to the other side.
Finding joy in life remembering with gratitude all the times Richard was here to support me and celebrate with me.
It’s a great day!