Think of a time when you really needed something you didn’t have. Perhaps nothing comes to mind. Perhaps many things come to mind.

  • food
  • water
  • air
  • sleep
  • relationship
  • money
  • power
  • security
  • sex
  • exercise
  • vacation
  • validation
  • self-esteem
  • fill in your need_______________

If we need something, it is necessary. How do you determine what is necessary? Have you considered at times what you “feel” you need is really what you want? 

Ask a child what they need and the answer might be a pony. Now we know he or she probably doesn’t need a pony, it’s a want. The child may need to learn boundaries and limits by hearing a “no” to getting a pony. It is damaging to teach entitlement to a child. Perhaps what the child needs is simply more time interacting with those who speak life into his or her soul.

Ask an adult what they need and the answer might be a new job. Perhaps a new job is a need or perhaps the discontentment in the current job runs much deeper than a job. Maybe what is missing is more validation, recognition, power, money, authority. When we are not content with ourselves, we look for ways outside of ourselves to find inner peace. Perhaps whatever job we might have, the emptiness will remain. The need is much deeper than a job. Changing careers is a temporary distraction. Chasing validation, recognition, power and the like is a bandaid covering a need for wholeness inside. Often our brokenness screams and we look for ways to drown out the noise.

What might be truly helpful is to differentiate what we need from what we want. After we explore and identify the differences, we can determine how much time and energy is spent chasing after what we want instead of investing energy in what leads to true fulfillment.

How much time do you pursue what you need? Often, we ignore what we need because we are so busy trying to grab what we want or what other people tell us we need.

Where do you find what you need? Perhaps the need is identified properly but the source you are looking to fulfill your needs is unable, unwilling or inaccessible.

So, what do you really need? If you focus on what you actually need first, find a reliable source and adjust your energy and focus accordingly, perhaps your wants might change.

In wanting less, we often find more!


How capable are you?

Have you ever considered all the decisions you make in one day? From the time you wake up to the time you fall asleep, you are choosing something.

  • choosing to keep on task
  • determine tone, mood, words to say or not
  • deciding what to eat
  • what route to take to work
  • how to respond to drivers in other cars
  • whether or not to shower
  • what to wear
  • who to call
  • what to avoid
  • thinking positively or negatively

The list is endless really. The common element in all of these is the power of choice. We have limitless power within us to choose. Outward choices may be limited with factors like: age, health, money, relationships and environment. However, true power is in our ability to choose our thoughts.

It is not about what happens to us that makes us who we are. It’s how we choose to respond. We choose what we assimilate and what we reject.

Allow yourself to notice your thoughts. Remember, you decide what happens to them. You are very capable of choosing to nurture life giving thoughts and to refuse to accommodate destructive thoughts. Even if it feels like you can’t, you can! Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, convince you otherwise.

Settling Into Self

Imagine living without the voices in your head telling you what you should do, how you should act, what you should want, how you should look, who you should love. Apart from “should”, what might you find?

What do you really want? If you wrestle with being honest about it because you “shouldn’t” want what you really want, consider giving yourself the chance to explore what is under your seemingly unacceptable desires. Typically, when the things we want bring destruction, it is a misguided attempt to soothe a legitimate need/desire within us.

If you want fame, aren’t you just looking for acceptance? Validation? Love?

If you want to be rich, perhaps you are tired of struggling financially.

Maybe you are struggling financially because you use money to meet a need only healthy relationships can provide.

Finding the perfect relationship may seem like the answer to your emptiness until you realize there is no perfect relationship.

The desires we carry are many, complex and shaped by our journey. Exploring those desires honestly, openly in imperfect relationships, honed by the hand of God brings us to the core of our being. There we find the best of being human. There we find the Creator revealed through creation.


Trust is the foundation of any relationship. The degree to which a person is trustworthy, is the degree to which he/she is to be trusted. Trusting someone beyond his or her trustworthiness is a choice which leads to resentment. Being trustworthy is the choice which leads to growth, love and joy! Even if a trustworthy person is not trusted, he or she maintains integrity.  Trusting someone who is not trustworthy surely will lead to heartbreak and destruction. The birthplace of trustworthiness begins with being honest with yourself. We cannot give what we do not have.

Finding more sparkle through change

Though change is often challenging, we cannot move forward without it. When an inner sense of emptiness is validated and motivation to change is channeled, we pursue the process of finding more.

What is your “more”?

Perhaps finding more in:

  • hobbies
  • relationships
  • organization
  • career
  • God
  • health
  • appearance
  • finances
  • emotional regulation
  • stable thoughts
  • unidentified areas
  • ___________________

You are the one who decides what changes and what stays the same in your internal world. Take hold of yourself, be kind, and look for where you want to “find more”.


If you are anything like me, change is hard. Ever wonder why? Perhaps we all have our reasons uniquely created by our life experiences.

For me, change means work. The “same ole, same ole” is easy, so it seems.